I first read the following story about 10 years ago. It compounded with a few other events that week and my life was completely changed. My Dad and I have talked about it and he can testify the kind of wife I was. My husband claims he doesn't remember me ever being like this. I have, in the past, prayed fervently that he would forget the way I treated him. I can only thank God for erasing his memory.
"A demanding wife continually nagged her husband to conform to her really high standards:"This is how you should act, this is how you should dress, this is what you should say, this is where you should be seen, and this is how you should plan your career!" She insisted every aspect of his life be honed to perfection. Feeling thoroughly whipped, the man finally said, "Why don't you just write it all down? Then you won't have to tell me these things all the time." She gladly complied.
A short time later the wife died. Within the course of a year, the man met another woman and married. His new life seemed to be a perpetual honeymoon. He could hardly believe his great joy, and relief he was experiencing with his new bride.
One day he came across the list of "do's and don'ts" his first wife has written. He read them and realized, to his amazement, he was following all the instructions - even though his second wife had never mentioned them.
He thought about what might have happened and finally said to a friend, "My former wife began her statements with, ' I hate it when....,' but my new wife says ' I love it when.'
I was the first wife. Earlier that week I had, indeed, written out 3 pages front and back for my husband telling him all his faults and weaknesses. I genuinely believed I had all the answers and thought I was helping my husband.
To read the above story shook me to my core. I was shaken and panicky but didn't know what to do. I told him I was sorry and I cried but still didn't know what to do with my new found information. A few days later I was listening to some tapes for a Bible study on weight loss. One of the tapes dealt with being a godly wife and mother. It gave a few verses on being your husband's helpmeet. It was a great start and an answer to prayer. I started to understand the type of wife that would bless her husband and encourage him. I still felt clueless on how to do this.
A few months later I went on a retreat with my church ladies. I was with a dear friend in the pool and this lady we had never met came up and started talking to us. It was very eerie because everything she was talking about were things we had just talked about. I had been talking to my friend about my habit of endless talking and I said that sometimes I just wish someone would walk up to me and tell me to shut up. A few minutes later this stranger swam up and said "Don't you just want to tell some people to zip it!!" My friend and I looked at each other in awe. Earlier my friend shared she liked to have "Tea time with Jesus" and this same stranger in the pool offered a tea party for us pool side. We said alright and she went up to her room to fetch her teapot. When she brought it down I was aghast as it was the same china pattern I grew up using. It is a very special pattern to me and I have started to collect it as an adult. So when this person started talking about a great book that revolutionized her marriage I was listening. It seemed as if God had lined everything up and now he had my attention! She introduced me to a book by Helen Andelin called Fascinating Womanhood. I was a bit skeptical but really felt this was all a God plan. So when I returned home I ordered the book and read it. It really was the missing part I needed. It gave me tools on how to encourage and bless my husband. I gained an understanding of him and how he wants to be treated. Now I am a teacher for Fascinating Womanhood and am blessed by teaching other well intentioned but confused women.
I am not a perfect wife and but I am a joy-filled wife. My marriage is so fulfilling and the cause of so much happiness in my life. I am so thankful for the very hard and humbling lessons I have learned and know without the grace of God I would have destroyed my husband and my marriage and probably would have blamed him in the end. I breaks my heart when I think of how I treated my precious love those first few years but I seriously did pray he would forget and that God would heal his heart. I am certain these prayers were answered because my husband looks at me with such love and treats me so well. His heart trusts in me and delights in me. I thank God every day for my husband.
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